Thanks to
Debs, I'm able to share with you the most kittentastic holiday tale of them all:
TEH PASSOFUR STORI (lolcat version)
Oh hai! Teh Jooz and teh kittehs were lived in Egypts. Lifes were gud. Josiph had cote of mani of colorses and every kitteh listened to teh Andrew Lloyed Webers all teh day. Every kitteh wuz liek Happy Cat and tehre wuz cheezburgers.
But tehn Pharo wuz died. Oh noes! New Pharoz iz liek doggeh or Basement Cat. Maded Jooz and kittehs slaves. Sed DO NOT WANT! But wuz. Jooz sed, "Im in ur Egypts bilding ur piramids." Wuz not like piramid scheem u seez on nooz but like aktual piramid. Lifes are not gud. No nappings. No cheezburgers.
Pharaoh sez to Jooz: Babehs u no can haz. Kittehs secretly pleezed about teh nooz. Babehs are teh loud and taek attenshun away from kittehs so kittehs do not want. Pharaoh says kittehs can still has kittenses.
Mozis borned anyweh, adding to spekulashun taht Mozis wuz akshually a kitteh. Because of Mirium, who is speshul hoomin femunists liek, Pharo's dautur sees babeh Mozis in bullrushes, which iz plants kittehs eat when want to throw up on teh carpit latur. Dautur says, "WANT!" Kittehs think she mean teh bullrushes but means babeh. Silleh hoomin.
When Mozis no longer babeh but is hoomin, sed to Pharo: We can haz eggsodus? Pharo sed no can haz.
Ceiling Cat sended playgs to Egyptshuns. Wuz bad. Egyptshuns sai, "Oh noes!" Iz teh bluds, teh frogs, teh vermins, teh darknesses, teh boylz, teh hayl, teh beests, teh locusts, teh bugs, and teh striking of teh furst babehs.
Jooz puts lamb on door and kittehs eated it. Jooz and kittehs are spared from playgs. Kittehs espeshully spared cuz can see in teh darknesses and can chase teh frogs and teh locusts and teh mouses and eated tehm and maded cheezburgers out of teh cattle diseezed. Hoomans do not want, sez cheezburgers not koshur and from teh cattle diseez u will catch ur death. Kittehs ignore hoomins liek usual. Kittehs think playgs not so bad akshually. Is teh fud to nom and iz fewur babehs. Except teh hails, teh hailz iz bad for kittehs.
When Pharo's babeh was striked, Pharo sayed, "Do not want! Ok u can goes nao. Kthxbye." Teh Jooz and tehir kittehs packed stuffs quickly, teh kitteh toys and teh kitteh fud and teh kitteh brushes. No packeded litterbox because was going to desert wich is liek one giant litterbox. Hoomins had to bake teh breds quickli because spent time packing kittehs posesshuns. Maded matza out of cardboards. Matza does not has a flavur.
Indecisive Pharo is... indecisive. Changes his minds. Oh noes! Sends Egyptshuns after teh Jooz and teh kittehs, but is ok cuz kittehs run fast. Reach red seas which are not red. Hoomans willing to go into watur but kittehs no like water.
Charltun Hestun imitashun: Mozis is doing it pretti well akshually. With miteh and outstretchd paw, Ceiling Cat maded teh sea partz. Kittehs and hoomins walk through dry because kittehs do not liek watur.
Teh waturs close on teh Egyptshuns. Teh angels tehy are singing (angels are pretteh mean, akshually) but Ceiling Cat asks tehm to stop because angels tehy also can't sing veri well, like kittehs.
Teh Mirium and teh hoomins danced teh hole nite long but teh kittehs sleeped.
Kthxbye.
