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I recall back in my days as an engineering student, sitting in the lab chatting with a young female classmate from India. She was telling me about the men her parents were considering having her marry. I was aghast.
“Your parents are choosing your husband?”
“Yes,” she said. “That’s how we’ve always done it.”
“But don’t you want some say in it? Doesn’t that seem horribly unfair?”
She laughed. “I watch you American girls and your dating. You are always so unhappy. It sounds terrible. I don’t want that.”
I’m almost envious of the days when women had no options, no careers and arranged marriages. I see the insanity in that, but I don’t feel it. I’m tired of options. I’m exhausted from heartbreak and doubt and risk-taking and failure and maybes. I just want to see the path I’m on, get a copy of the maze with the solution on the back.
a small but wealthy segment of the Jewish community that is so Zionist that it considers it inappropriate for a Jewish film festival to screen any film that is not explicitly and completely pro-Israeli-governmentthe word "groupthink" comes to mind, and I feel grateful that I was raised with healthy skepticism in relation to Israel.
Many synagogues are notoriously family-focused. So what’s a pre-family yid to do? Or, as in the Ravenna Kibbutz, many people want to find a strong Jewish community without pressure to follow religious aspects of it. In the Kibbutz and in Jews in the Woods, another unaffiliated community with a focus on people in their 20’s and 30’s, I found that people were curious [about] each others’ backgrounds, while still withholding judgement. Connection is the key in these communities, and I attest that I did, and do, feel connected.
This lesson is most clearly taught in Away We Go’s Maggie Gyllenhaal sequence. Maggie’s character LN (I don’t get it — is the letter “e” a tool of the patriarchy?) is a hyphenated-surnamed professor of something who lives in a nice bungalow full of Buddhist kitsch in Wisconsin. Her toddler breastfeeds (we’re meant to find this gross) and she and her longhaired, pirate-shirted husband exude the exact same creepy sexual pretentiousness that Will Farrell and Rachel Dratch do in those SNL “lovahh” sketches. Except those sketches are funny. LN isn’t funny, because she’s not satirizing anything real. This is irritating because there is a rich vein of 100% authentic ridiculous hippie over/underparenting that exists, but the movie will not tap it, because that might offend someone, I guess? So when LN condescendingly explains to Burt and Verona, who are visiting Wisconsin to see whether they might want to raise their unborn daughter there, that she adheres to a (made-up) parenting philosophy that eschews strollers because, she says, “I love my babies. Why would I want to push them away from me?”, it isn’t funny, not to me at least. And when she says this, Burt (John Krasinski) and Verona (Maya Rudolph) covertly exchange a look of “This person is totally cuckoo for cocoa puffs!” and roll their eyes at each other.
Eventually they can’t keep their disdain to themselves: at dinner, Burt finally snaps and announces to LN and her husband, in front of their toddler, that they are “bad people” who are full of “bullshit.” Then Verona stands aside and giggles smugly as Burt grabs the verboten stroller that they’d brought as a thoughtless gift and entices the toddler to take a ride in it. We are meant to giggle smugly, too, at LN’s comeuppance — except I was too busy trying to puzzle out which couple’s self-righteousness we were meant to be laughing at, to laugh.
I am the only child of Holocaust survivors. As is the case with most of the second generation, I am one of very few of our family members left in the world. I never knew my grandparents or a host of other relatives who could have filled my bank of memories and experiences while growing up. Instead, they were photographs to me—and stories. I always felt different in that regard as a child, except when I was around others who had suffered similar losses even before they were born. My recollection of childhood memories is incomplete, but the Leitmotif is certainly the Holocaust. My mother would say with both grief and pride: “I am from the Holocaust. I am the survivor, the only one left from my big family.” And now my son Neal and I are the only ones left from her side of the family.