Winter blues

I've been feeling blue for at least a couple of weeks now, and though I know progress isn't an upward slant but an upward-slanting sine wave, periods like this can be hard to ride out. I've got my wonderful community, of course, and my involvement with it still brings me joy on a pretty regular basis. But I feel stuck with regard to work -- no NWsource.com projects on the horizon, very few phone screens since I turned down two job offers a couple months ago -- and uncertain about my current academic path, such as it is. When people ask me what I'm studying, I'm more weary of repeating myself than excited to tell them.

I've considered the possibility that the antidepressant I'm on is contributing to my general sense of emotional flatness, but I wonder if I suspect the Lexapro because I've heard other people say that SSRIs can cause emotional flatness. The power of suggestion works both ways; it can make you feel like your meds are helping you, or it can make you wonder whether they're hurting you. I imagine the increasingly gray Seattle skies, my singleness, my overweight, the overeating that's sustaining that overweight, and the lack of exercise in my life are all contributing factors to this year's early-onset S.A.D. Last year at this time, the Kibbutz was still something new in my life, and New Year's Eve brought the beginning of a relationship that lasted longer, and became more emotionally significant, than I expected. This year, the Kibbutz is still meaningful but not nearly as novel, and I don't feel particularly confident about presenting myself to the world, whether in a dating context or just socially.

I think my #1 problem right now is sagging self-esteem due to physical inactivity. When I danced at the Moishe House Chanukah party the other night, it only took about 10 minutes, if that, to utterly exhaust me. I was practically wheezing, and I felt a desperate need to lie down. There have been times in my life -- my bar mitzvah, the year 2004 -- when I was so out of shape that I couldn't dance for very long. Here I am again, in the middle of one, only this time it happens to coincide with a unit on fitness in my nutrition class. Looking at all the toned models in the book's supposedly helpful pictures, I felt that the distance between where I am and where I want to be is vast. Even moderate fitness feels unattainable.

My main goal for 2010 is to make exercise a regular part of my life. I want to do on the fitness front what I did this year, with the help of my wonderful life coach, in the area of money management. Thanks to our work, I make a budget at the beginning of each month and am much more conscious of how and why I spend money the way I do. Prediction: If I can make the sort of progress with exercise in 2010 that I did with money in 2009, I'll be much happier by 2011.

Things I'm thankful for

My amazing community, the Ravenna Kibbutz, which continues to evolve and grow in challenging, inspiring ways.

My mother, who is endlessly supportive and always willing to give advice, nearly all of which is excellent. :-)

My siblings, with whom I'm trying/hoping to have a closer relationship as the years go by.

The Seattle Times and my boss there, Jane Watson, who calls me first when she needs an extra hand on deck.

The old NWsource crew -- Geoff Carter, Monica Fischer, Jon Palmer, Greg Dunlap, and Sheri Quirt -- for being awesome and a de facto support group for journalists in a post-journalism world.

School, for still being as great as I remember it.

The hope of making 2010 a year of greater physical fitness. I plan to join a gym on Nov. 30 and start a nine-week run/walk regimen, plus hopefully a little weight training. It's time.

All my wonderful friends, who have supported me through tough times and helped me celebrate the good times, this year and every year.

Quality -- or at least entertaining -- television, which has provided me with quasi-necessary relaxation and escape when I needed it this year.

Movies, which even in a subpar year like this one can deliver surprises and make me glad to be alive.

"Great with kids and cats!"

Though I don't endorse buying from breeders when you can adopt from Seattle Pug Rescue, a recent NWsource.com classified ad does spotlight some pretty cute little guys. (Thanks to Sheri for bringing my attention to it.)

Pepsi strikes back

Tiny dogs provide the best product placement. The wee chihuahua who loves Coke finds a worthy adversary in a Yorkie who's all about Pepsi:


Will this madness ever end? Tip o' the hat to Sheri Quirt, who sends me these images from NWsource.com's classifieds section.

NWsource peeps

Geoff Carter, who took this terrific picture, couldn't have said it better on Facebook. I love these folks, too.

NWsource.com feels the burn

The sagging economy leaves no business untouched, it seems, and my former employer is no exception. R.I.P., dining and entertainment coverage; it won't be the same without you, travel and recreation content. Pets articles, I think I'll miss you most of all.

My new shopping article for NWsource.com

It's live!

Do you like falafel?

You do? Oh, good. I had Hallava's falafel once at a Vespa event (those were the days, my friends -- the days in which I was contemplating buying a scooter), and it rocked my vegetarian world. Now I yearn to revisit it at one of its sort-of-permanent locations. It's kind of like a Middle Eastern answer to Skillet!

Also on the food front: White Center's Mexican food, in particular 16th Avenue's Taqueria Del Rio. Yes, I know, everyone and their brother has already experienced its bargain-priced deliciousness ($6.50 or so for a full plate of veggie enchiladas smothered in cheese, plus rice, plus chips and salsa!), but I have to add my voice to the chorus of praise. Also: Aaron's Auto Wrecking (the reason I was in White Center in the first place) rules for putting a solid $50 used tape player in my beloved car. Thanks, Aaron, whoever you are!

One day, I'll see the world

My former boss sent me this wonderful video:


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

"A friend of mine sent this to me and for some reason it made me think of you," she wrote, which is very sweet. I do want to travel the world, and this is a great reminder that it's okay to start off alone -- you meet people along the way, and sometimes being alone is fine, because you get to dance with a dog, or you get totally drenched by a big wave. (Of course, someone must have been filming the guy at every stop, but let's ignore that for the moment.) This kind of thing really helps me keep my travel goal in mind. Thanks, Jane!

It has benefits, just not the usual kind

Yep. I'll likely be heading down the West Coast in early June; in July, it's on to Europe; and eventually I'll say goodbye to Seattle. But you know what? For now my job is going to Madison Beach Park, as I did today, and soaking up some rays. I had a fantastic last day: a mellow six hours at work, root beer floats (organic root beer + Häagen-Dazs = awesomeness), a nice time at the beach with Sarah from work, and a festive last-day-of-work dinner at Cafe Lago with Alka. Oh, and also tea at 22 Doors with Alka and Matty, whose Dreamlets will be featured May 23 on NWsource.

Tomorrow it's off to the Seattle Cheese Festival with Reed, possibly preceded by coffee with Nichole. And Sunday is my guitar recital at Piecora's, and another edition of the writing workshop. And Monday... picnic lunch with Sarah DeWeerdt in Lake City! Very exciting. I'll hopefully also be finding some time to plan for the coming months' travels. And maybe looking into getting my car's tape player repaired?

Ecstatic dance, baked rigatoni, road trip

I went to Dance Underground tonight for ecstatic dance. I dug it. It reminded me of the dance class I had in elementary school in which the teacher told us we were all ingredients in a stew in a giant witch's cauldron. We zoomed around the studio in a big circle like crazy little kids, which we were. It was great. Tonight was a little like that, for which I'm grateful. It's nice to have sore feet because you actually used your body for something other than sitting and typing and walking to lunch.

Also, I ate a lot of soy ice cream when I got back, and watched a bit of Top Chef with Angela, Michael, David, and Jessi.

Oh, and earlier today I had lunch at Skillet. I ordered baked rigatoni with ricotta and weird broccoli. It was fantastic. Dessert was Nutella and banana on crostini, and we also had Mexican Coke (real sugar! glass bottle!) to drink. And I'm writing an article about Dreamlets, the invention of potluck regular Matty Harper, for NWsource. I'm excited. The interview is on Monday.

In other news: Kickball starts tomorrow. It'll be fun to run around again, this time in a non-dance context. I sincerely hope our team name doesn't end up being the Schoolyard Bullies, though. Someone suggested the RickRollers, and I loved that. I hope we get to be the RickRollers.

Finally, I gave notice at work this past Friday. Tentative plan: Stay in Seattle through May, drive down the West Coast in June, return to Seattle by July 4 to fly to Germany with my mom for our Eurotrip. We're going to Freiburg, where I spent several years of my childhood, then Paris; the first leg of the trip is, in part, about a big dinner my mom has arranged in honor of my dad, who died approximately five years ago (June 11, 2003). After Paris, I might remain in Europe and Eurail it for a while, staying in hostels; upon my return, I'd sell or ship anything that didn't fit in my car (I'm buying Angela's car!), pack up the rest, and drive east. East! Through Montana and other pretty states, and hopefully to Chicago, where I'll pick up my friend Margo. Then we'll head to the East Coast; once we arrive, she'll fly back. That's one plan, anyway. And where will I end up? I'm thinking either Brooklyn or an intentional community in New England. The fictional Fieldstone Collective from The Ballad of Jack and Rose, even though we get only a brief glimpse of it, really inspired me.

Microhoo

It would have been January's best neologism, if only it had appeared in January. Alas.

In exciting personal news, our new housemate, David, attached something called a router -- try to follow me here, people; I know it's getting confusing -- to our Wi-Fi hookup, allowing me to actually get an Internet connection in my weird little mother-in-law cabin. Which is where I'm writing from now. It's so exciting that rather than watch one of the two movies I just rented -- Red Road and Ira & Abby, FYI -- I've spent the last, oh, two hours happily Googling and Facebooking and whatnot. And now I have a difficult decision to make: finally watch a movie at home or head down to the Seattle Laser Dome for "Laser Radiohead."

I've had a somewhat rough couple of days, but this choice reminds me of how ridiculously privileged I am. (Similar reminder: discussing the recent AP story about Haitians eating dirt at, of all things, a potluck.) I know, I know -- it should be totally obvious to me at all times. It's amazing how I forget that burrowing further into my (unnecessary) frustrations won't usually help me out of them; on that note, I'm considering caucusing for Obama on my birthday. (It would sweeten the pot, of course, if Obama Girl were there, but I'm not counting on it.)

Better late than never: Checked out Michael's Idolator poll. Confirms what a good year it was for music, and hey, the illustrations are simply awesome. In more self-serving news, I wrote some new little things this week.

P.S. If you can see Mike Daisey's "Monopoly!" monologue, please do so. It's utterly awesome. He's right up there with Spalding Gray. Seriously.

Recent writings

Shameless self-promotion is what blogs are all about, right? If it's any consolation, now you can tease me about Talk Like a Pirate Day basically forever.

Vancouver, B.C.

Spent the weekend there with Angela.



This fruit tart actually tasted even better than it looks. I got it at a lovely bakery on Granville Island, Vancouver's answer to Pike Place Market. The bakery is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year and, like certain other Vancouver things, makes Seattle seem a bit lacking.

Apologies for the quick post. I'll post more Vancouver pictures, and link to NWsource's big appearance on "Evening Magazine," just as soon as I'm able.