Exercise isn't always the enemy

I went to Spokane's YMCA last weekend and watched part of The Matrix Reloaded while doing about 35 minutes on the elliptical machine. It wasn't too bad. I didn't do the machine's cardio-oriented workout, because it wants my heart rate within a certain range, which can lead to my overworking myself. My pace was steady and not too fast, but not excessively slow, either. A nice balance. I think this sense of balance is working its way into my general understanding of movement, which is what I'm calling exercise now, since the E word and I don't always get along.

I took a nice short hike today with a friend from the counseling program; it was uphill part of the way, and a moderate workout but not exhausting. (The photo above is one of the lovely views we enjoyed. We also enjoyed the antics of a playful dog, homemade cookies, and tea, thanks to my hiking companion.) This, I think, is how I need to do it: enough movement to feel it, not enough to make me want to run screaming. Someone in one of my classes has a coffee cup that says: "Pain is just weakness leaving the body." That seems a little too Western (and Protestant work ethic-y) to me. I like yoga's principle of ahimsa, which suggests that you can make gains without enduring undue pain. That fits me better.

Comment of the week

From my college friend Melon, about a recent post regarding health and fitness:

A) In some cases, the Obie reunion just came at a really good time - if it had been last year, I could have been your Fat Buddy (grad school sedentariness in a place where we needed a car for the 1st time, depressed job hunting, celebratory job-acquisition feasts, etc.), but it happened to be this year, when I've lost 40lbs.

B) You can do anything you actually, really want to, whether you hate change or not. It's got nothing to do with it. Change you start yourself isn't the same as change forced on you.

C) I totally wimped out of Couch to 5k - god, I hate running. But I like lifting weights! :)

As you might imagine, I particularly like point B.

Antidepressants and weight gain

The other night at the Kibbutz's second-night seder, someone I know asked me if I'm on an antidepressant.

"Yep," I said. "Lexapro."

"I figured," he said. "That's no normal weight gain."

In the past I might have been upset, but he's right: I've gained a lot of weight since I went on Lexapro in October of 2008. Then again, my weight has gone up and down pretty dramatically throughout my life, and living at the Kibbutz exposes me to a lot of good food, and a lot of communal meals, where the social aspect of eating often gets the better of my willpower. Yet I do think that the antidepressant has something to do with my ascent to 225 pounds, possibly my highest weight to date.

While some Lexapro users attribute their weight gain to the drug's biochemical effects, I believe that, at least in my case, its psychological impact is just as significant. In the past, when I put on weight, I felt bad about it. I would eventually reach a point where I started feeling fat and unattractive, but I'd continue eating too much and not getting enough exercise until I finally snapped. Then I'd begin combating my overweight with a combination of exercise and self-deprivation, a tactic I learned as a teenager with anorexia. My weight would drop, and I'd feel better about my body on a superficial level, but I'd remain extremely afraid of relapse -- i.e., gaining the weight back. Since depriving oneself isn't a sustainable long-term strategy, I'd suffer the sad fate of many a yo-yo dieter: I'd end up even heavier than I started.

Even though unemployment is hard and I have a lot of work ahead of me if I want to attend Bastyr (for nutrition and health psychology, of all things!) in 2011, I'm thinking about going off Lexapro on a trial basis, to see how I feel without it. I'm unlikely to start losing weight simply because I drop the drug, yet I can't help but be curious about what would happen. Not freaking out about being overweight is a double-edged sword. It opens up the possibility of more fully accepting my body, flaws and all, which is something I'm eager and determined to do. On the other hand, overweight isn't healthy in the long run, and being too okay with it -- indifference isn't the same as acceptance, after all -- might not be such a good thing. I'll consult my therapist about it and do some soul-searching, but I imagine that if I go without the meds for a while and I feel the weight of the world return, I can go back on them.

I'm pretty pleased, all in all, that I've been able to use an antidepressant without taking an absolutist view of a complicated issue: the question of whether the positive effects of SSRIs outweigh their downsides. In my 18 months of use, I've decided that they help, but they alone are obviously not enough. And no, they don't steal your soul or make you an unwitting slave to the Man. If anything, people who aren't completely demoralized are more likely to stand up for what's right and fight against what's wrong. There are few simple choices in this world, and to inhibit serotonin reuptake or not to isn't one of them.

BBC article on the set-point theory of body weight

We talked about this concept a bit last quarter in nutrition class. Since my own body image is reaching an undesirable low point these days, I'm trying to build a little momentum in the direction of exercising, even if that means going back to the dreaded gym. The genetic explanation is somewhat comforting:

One expert, Professor Jane Wardle, believes there could be a genetic answer, through what's known as the FTO gene. Adults who have one variant of this gene weigh on average more than everybody else.

Prof Wardle believes the gene can influence appetite, leading some people to not know when they are full. Those without the gene, she thinks, find it easier to say no to food.

At the same time, I know that personal effort can make a big difference, at least for me. I've gone back and forth from unhealthy lows to unhealthy highs, rarely staying in the middle for very long. And even when I am in the middle, I'm generally moving fairly rapidly toward one dysfunctional pole or the other. I don't want to keep going like this. I'm starting dodgeball at the end of the month, but it's going to take more than that to get my weight under control. I also want to try to find a way to structure my eating -- to budget it -- the way I've done with money. Stay tuned...

My favorite toothbrush ever

Ultra-soft bristles, a handy travel case, a helpful angular design, and a past life as yogurt cups -- the Preserve toothbrush is wonderful. (My mom introduced me to it this weekend.) I rarely rave about consumer products (other than my beloved North Face jacket), but this one deserves high praise. Check out the specs:

• Handle 100% recycled #5 plastic; bristles new nylon


• Easy-to-grip curved handle


• Tiered bristles for gentle, thorough cleaning


• Completely recyclable after use


• Toothbrush replacement subscription service available


• BPA free


• Made in the USA

The brush comes in six handle colors, including eggplant and pear green. The market still has a dearth of ultra-soft toothbrushes, and Preserve's recycled-and-recyclable status makes it good for the world as well as your enamel. And the case it comes with! So smart. Now I'll never again have to put my brush in a Ziploc bag when I go on a trip.

Interview with Josh Clark, creator of Couch to 5K

Great idea developed by a guy who seems awfully nice. His 2008 interview with New Jersey's Courier-Post newspaper makes me want to get out there and try his program. Now I just need to find out what it actually consists of. (Thanks to Elias for telling me about C25K.)

Ah. Here we go.

Recent Facebook status thread re: exercise

Neal Schindler has the blues and kind of feels like jogging would be a good habit to cultivate. But how does one start?
7 hours ago · Comment · Like

Shoshana Billik
Just by doing! ;-)
6 hours ago · Delete

Neal Schindler
Spoken like someone who's already done it! :-)
6 hours ago · Delete

Shoshana Billik
Heh! ;-L
6 hours ago · Delete

Kimberly Stedman
here's the trick. Don't try to start a jogging habit AND try to start jogging WELL at the same time. 60% of the effort is building the habit.
Go out every morning or 5 minutes for 2 weeks. On the third week, make it 10 minutes. On the fourth week, make it 20. do it the same time every day even if you only go out for 30 seconds.
In a month, you won't remember what it was like not to jog every morning. In a month and a half, you'll be like: wth, if I'm out here anyway, I might as well get something out of it, and run harder.
6 hours ago · Delete

Kathlyn Albright Lewis
Kimberly's method totally works. I also tell myself "well, I'll just put my shoes on and go outside. If I don't feel like it, I won't do it" and I always end up thinking "well, I'm here anyway, might as well run a little..." For me, it's all about tricking myself into going. And remember, you didn't start walking more than four steps at a time either!
6 hours ago · Delete

Kimberly Stedman
haha-- hooray! Glad other people have also figured this one out.

Made a huge difference for me. No matter how late or cranky I am in the morning, I always have to do at least one push up and one sit up. :)
6 hours ago · Delete

Shaul Goldberg
how about a nice bike ride up to cloud city coffee?
5 hours ago · Delete

Rob Gardiner
I recommend swing dancing. Jogging is good exercise, but exercise by itself can be a chore. It's hard to motivate yourself to do it.

But *dancing* isn't just exercise -- it also provides entertainment, socializing, and a creative outlet. In other words, it would be worth doing even without the exercise.

I got myself into shape through what I call "incidental biohacking" -- exploiting the positive health benefits of activities (Italian cooking, swing dancing) that I undertook for reasons completely unrelated to health.

http://www.centuryballroom.com/ Swing dancing with DJ Freddie, tonite at 9:30, $7. Swing dance lesson at 9, included w/ admission.
5 hours ago · Delete

Catherine Dean
I totally second the recommendation to dance rather than jog. Jogging can be very hard on your knees. And as someone with a good ear for music (and a former marching band member!) you should pick it up great!
4 hours ago · Delete

Shaul Goldberg
when was Neal in a marching band?
4 hours ago · Delete

Catherine Dean
High School. Hope I haven't let a terrible skeleton out of the closet!!!!
3 hours ago · Delete

Shaul Goldberg
I want pictures!
3 hours ago · Delete

Catherine Dean
That I cannot do. :)
3 hours ago · Delete

Daniel Shiffner
a lot of books suggest starting with a combo of running and walking. walk a block, run a block, walk a block, etc. always walk until you're fully recovered before running again. try to keep yourself out for about half an hour at a time, not more than three times a week. i started in september and went from fat/lazy/never run before to almost a 5k in two months. it seemed like every time i went out i was able to go further, especially at the beginning. if you can find someone to run with who is at your level, it definitely helps.
2 hours ago · Delete

Elias Kass
couch to 6k is a good starter program.
2 hours ago · Delete

Meg Deighton
good luck!
about an hour ago · Delete

Neal Schindler
Wow! You guys are fantastic! Thanks so much!

I might try some of the jogging tips, though I agree that it's hard on the knees. Ever since the mostly-repressed horrors of middle school, I've had a tendency to dislike exercise. I fenced in high school, but I remember having to push myself psychologically to go into the gym each time -- I didn't ever reach a threshold after which I didn't need to push myself.

Anyway, I've done waterobics and softball and kickball and biking, but waterobics is very low-impact, softball and kickball don't have enough running to really work me out, and biking in Seattle makes me want to die thanks to the demonic hills. (Biking in the flat Midwest, on the other hand, I liked.)

Dancing sounds good. I've always been massively shy about dancing because the gentleman is supposed to lead, and I'm not fond of playing that role. That, I'm sure, is something I could stand to work on, too. (Symbolically and literally, though, wouldn't it be ideal to know how to both lead and follow? Maybe I just spent too much time at Oberlin.)

I'm quite low on funds right now, Rob, but I'll try to come to a few dances. My mind and body go into holy terror mode whenever I break a sweat (did I mention I associate exercise with all things horrible?), so I'm not sure how it'll go. But there's no harm in trying, right? Thanks again to everyone for being so supportive and helpful. You're the best.
2 seconds ago · Delete

Amen, sister

My prolific blogger friend Sasha recently had the following to say:

People who are all like “I’m really passionate about fitness and health” can’t appreciate how hard it is to be fit and healthy when you are passionate about neither fitness nor health. Also: how do I not keep chocolate sauce in the house?

Don't I know it, except my "chocolate sauce" is non-whole-wheat pasta. Stuff is like crack/heroin/your favorite trivially invoked hardcore drug. In other vaguely nutrition-related news, here's Sasha's adorable dog Leo in a too-large banana costume:

221.8 pounds

That's how much I currently weigh, as of this afternoon, per the doctor's scale. According to the Body Mass Index, I'm obese. Then again, the BMI is a questionable tool, as a helpful Flickr set illustrates. Particularly effective are the images that juxtapose a confident, beautiful person with the "obese" label:

Cassie is "obese"
5'4", 175 lbs., BMI 30

How (not) to raise a(n) (un)healthy eater

Michelle pointed out this excellent Times piece about the dilemmas modern parents face when it comes to teaching (and modeling) smart eating patterns. The following bit, about everyday disordered eating that lies outside the realm of diagnosable conditions, is especially sharp:

Neither of these children, with whom I interact occasionally, comes close to being a statistic or case study. He isn’t obese; she isn’t anorexic.

But they represent a larger group of young people between those widely publicized (and much more complicated) extremes. And they speak to a subtler parental challenge: how to coach children away from unhealthy eating without sowing panic; how to make them conscious of their intake without making them too self-conscious about its consequences.

See also: "I Was a Baby Bulimic."

Unreal

As my friend Tia points out, the story of the 16-year-old toddler could be science fiction. Except it's definitely not.

"Happy pills" in the (medical) news

Someone on Facebook posted a Medical News Today article on psychiatric meds. Amazingly, it's the first time I've ever seen the phrase "designer consciousness."

Home again from Harborview

It's been quite a pair of weeks. Yesterday, Emily was released from Harborview for the second time in just under two weeks. She was re-hospitalized because she was experiencing nausea and disorientation, which was eventually determined to be the result of a sodium/water imbalance that can, in turn, stem from injury to the part of the brain that regulates such things. Starting a week ago, I began pulling the "night shift," coming in each evening and staying the night in a chair-bed in Emily's room. I ate breakfast each morning in the cafeteria, which has a surprisingly robust bagel selection and some pretty good bran muffins, too (and hemp milk!), and tended to head home around 11 a.m. Emily's mom arrived each morning and stayed through the day, while I rested and caught up on various and sundry errands. (And played switchboard for a lot of Emily-related calls from her friends and Co-Counselors.) Now she's home and resting comfortably. She goes in on Monday for a chat with a kidney doctor, I think, and is scheduled for Tuesday hand surgery. I'll spend Tuesday night at the hospital again. If anybody has recipes to suggest that might effectively soothe a convalescing friend, please submit them here, or just give me a call.

Ah, Harborview. Packed with fascinating stories, and me without a little notebook in which to record them! I met a 47-year-old hard-rock vocalist (who looked to be in his thirties) and his 26-year-old girlfriend -- they met in Anchorage at a karaoke bar, and she picked up him, expecting nothing more than a one-night stand. More than two years later, they're still together, and they seem like a good couple. (I'd reveal the malady that landed her at the hospital, but I'm trying not to overdo it with the identifying details.) I also met a woman who was in for a virus in her spine (no, not meningitis -- I asked) and had been at the hospital for five weeks. She was bored and occasionally hallucinated, most often at night. Rumor had it she'd "seen" her Pomeranian outside her (fourth-floor) window at least once. There were a few cases sadder than these that I won't get into; suffice it to say the experience was an education in human nature and behavior, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I'll likely be in a position to make social plans again pretty soon, now that Emily's hospital time seems to be nearing its end. I'm also rethinking my long-standing plan to leave town this summer; I'm finding it harder than expected to do, and I'm beginning to wonder whether my resistance means something more than simply fear of leaving my comfort zone, the place I've lived for more than a fifth of my life. Maybe I have some unfinished business here. More as I figure it out. Right now I need to get some much-needed rest.